I may have had big feet since the instant I was conceived. Of all the sperm that could have made it, the winning one in that race would have needed to be a great swimmer, so that may explain the big feet ...
Today, at 6foot2-ish tall, my 15 shoe-size feet seems really disproportionately large. I find consolation in the thought that in my senior years, maybe I can find a part-time job on Sesame Street representing the letter "L".
Loving self-deprecating humour, I've always enjoyed blurting out: "You know what they say about guys with big feet: they don't sway so much in the wind."
Throughout my adulthood, I've only ever bought socks in bulk packs, and could never find anything other than "fits between some size and size 13", so that's what I always got. I am baffled that brick and mortar stores do not carry socks (or shoes) for big-footed males. (I see so many tall teenagers, I can't help but think the market is there. Meh.)
Being a fairly new shopper on Amazon.ca, it took me a while before realising: "hey, I can get socks here; I wonder if they have big sizes?"
Sure enough, they do, and I ordered these (13-15 size) as soon as I found them:
Because I was so used to undersized socks, I had never realized how uncomfortable they were (i.e. too tight) until I first slid these appropriately-sized socks on my feet. What a ridiculous difference! So comfortable, so relaxing! (One must wonder what impact undersized socks have on blood circulation.)
Just for the fun of it and to be silly, I shared my sock-size story with friends and family, and one of my friends replied with an oh-so-awesomely perfect classic joke, which I share with you below.
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine, and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He couldn't concentrate long enough to answer, but decided he had no choice but to go under the knife.
When he left the hospital he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store & thought, "That's what I need - a new suit."
He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefly and said, "Let's see ... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!" Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly.
As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeve & 16-1/2 neck." Again, Joe was surprised, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the shirt, and it fit perfectly. As Joe adjusted the collar in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about new shoes?" Joe was on a roll and said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe's feet and said, "Let's see ... 13-15E." Joe was astonished, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!"
Joe tried on the shoes and they fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new socks?" Joe thought for a second and said, "Sure." The salesman said, "Let's see... size 13-15E just like your shoes."
Joe laughed. "Ah ha! I got you! I've worn size 10 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 10. A size 10 sock would cut off your circulation and and give you one hell of a headache.